Roll Call: August 10 - 16, 2026
FIFTH AMONG HEROES: CURVECAP, THE ENDLESS MARCHER
From the fifth rank, a steady drumbeat sounds,
Where CurveCap's tireless footfall knows no bounds!
One hundred seventy thousand steps he trod,
A pilgrimage of miles, a gift from god!
Twenty-four thousand daily, stride on stride,
Through city streets and country roads he'd glide,
One hundred sixty-five kilometers faced,
Each morning's dawn a new battleground he graced!
Seven thousand calories burned in flame,
His resting heart a warrior's steady claim—
At forty-nine, it beat with calm design,
While VO2 max at fifty-four did shine!
A fitness age of thirty-five, not more,
Though years may pass, his vigor's at the fore!
With curls and rows that split the air,
He built his frame with discipline and care!
His bench press thundered, squats dug deep the ground,
His runs and rows with steady pace were crowned—
From strength to distance, measured by the mile,
He forged his lungs through discipline and trial!
Though sauna's warmth he skipped, a minor flaw,
His daily march would make the stoutest awe!
And so he stands, the fifth among the five,
A testament that steady will can thrive!
FOURTH AMONG HEROES: JONES, THE RARESTONE COMPASS
Now Jones ascends, the Rarestone Compass name,
Whose varied training fans the battle flame!
From rest days spent in stillness, deep and true,
To machine-built might that splits the sky in two!
The chest press plates he drove with furious might,
Then rest-pause sets to conquer in the fight!
The row machine, a galley's oar in hand,
He pulled with strength that none could withstand!
His farmer walks—a yoke upon his frame,
Two sets that stoke the crucible's hot flame!
The preacher curls, the triceps' cable tear,
Each motion carved a warrior without fear!
On Wednesday's leg day, mountains felt his wrath,
Leg curls and presses carved a brutal path!
The leg press throne, where titans make their stand,
He drove with power from the sacred land!
The RDL's hinge, a serpent's deadly coil,
The ab machine, a fortress under toil!
Then Friday came with free weights in his grip,
Incline bench press—a thunderous war-ship!
Pull-ups with drop sets, a cascade of steel,
Machine rows that made the bravest kneel!
The cable pushdowns, sharp and swift and clean,
A warrior's arsenal, a killing machine!
On Saturday, the stair master he climbed,
Then cycling's wheel, a rhythm well-timed!
Sunday's sprints—five four-hundreds, fast,
With two-minute walks that could not last!
Seventeen thousand steps each day he pressed,
A compass pointing onward through the test!
Though fourth in rank, his breadth of skill is vast,
A modern hero from the ancient past!
THIRD AMONG HEROES: BATTMAN, THE DUMBBELL CRUSADER
Now Battman rises, third upon the scroll,
Whose weighted labors make the bravest soul!
From Monday's bench to Friday's final set,
His week a saga none will soon forget!
The air bike's fury—fifteen minutes hot,
One hundred eighty-six calories caught!
His heart rate spiked to one-eight-six in strain,
A cardiovascular hurricane of pain!
The dumbbell press, from thirty-five to fifty,
Each rep a blow, each set a story thrifty!
Incline presses to sixty, then descent,
His chest a fortress, heaven-sent!
Lateral raises with the twenty-pound load,
Skull crushers on the neural path he strode!
Cable flies that spread his pectoral wings,
Tricep extensions—sharp and biting stings!
His lower body, a quarry of raw might—
Front squats to one-fifty-five in sight!
The transformer bar, a beast of steel,
Six heavy reps to make the spirit kneel!
The sled push, three hundred pounds of dread,
Sixty-six yards where lesser men have fled!
His grip strength—one-oh-five on the left,
A handshake that would leave a giant bereft!
Weighted chin-ups, twenty pounds of grace,
Seven reps that time cannot erase!
Feet elevated, thirty inches high,
Weighted push-ups that defy the sky!
Inverted rows, a dragon's backward sweep,
Hammer curls that make the sinews leap!
The dead hang, ninety seconds without breath,
A warrior's patience staring down at death!
Farmers carry, fifty-two per arm,
One hundred twenty yards to raise alarm!
Cable crunches at one-eighty, heavy chain,
His core a bulwark through the sun and rain!
One hour of cardio, six of iron's art,
A week that tore the common man apart!
And so he stands, the third in glory's line,
A Battman forged in effort's sacred shrine!
SECOND AMONG HEROES: SPENCER420, THE SPEED DEMON
Now Spencer420, the second in the fray,
Whose explosive power marks the warrior's way!
From Monday's push to Saturday's great pull,
His training makes the bravest heart feel full!
Weighted dips that start at ninety pounds,
Then one-fifteen, a thunderous rebound!
At one-thirty-five, he met his match and fell,
But rose again to break the iron's spell!
Cable rows with wide pull-ups combined,
A superset that left no muscle blind!
Ten plates for fourteen, then twelve for nine,
With pull-ups twined beside each rowing line!
Barrel dumbbell press at fifty-five,
Nine reps, then eight, a furious drive!
Rear shoulder flies to one-ten's height,
His delts a mountain range of pure delight!
Tuesday's arms—a blaster curl's cruel art,
Fifty pounds for fourteen, a burning start!
Overhead rope extensions, one-thirty's strain,
Eight reps that flooded lactic through each vein!
Archer pulls that stretch the shoulder's span,
Dumbbell skullcrushers—a warrior's plan!
Preacher curls at sixty-five, a heavy scroll,
Cable pushdowns that took a heavy toll!
Thursday's sprint—a cheetah's burst of speed,
Twenty-point-seven miles per hour, indeed!
Box jumps at forty-eight inches high,
Three reps that scrape the very sky!
Hyper bench side crunches, seventy's weight,
Hanging leg raises that would seal one's fate!
Nordic hamstrings, six and seven reps,
Tibialis raises—no one ever steps
Away from such a gauntlet undeterred,
For Spencer's speed is legend, never blurred!
Friday's incline camber bench at two-twenty-five,
Three reps that make the strongest feel alive!
Pelican push-ups with a weighted vest,
Eleven reps that put his chest to test!
Heat fly machine at two hundred—seven,
A pec-dec demon, straight from hell's own heaven!
Saturday's pull-ups, one hundred pounds,
Two-point-eight reps—a thunderous sound!
Then fifty-five for nine, a steady grind,
Archer cable pulls that left no doubt behind!
Chest-supported rows to seventy's might,
GHD extensions in the fading light!
And Sunday's rest, a hot bath's soothing steam,
A warrior's recovery, a hero's dream!
Second in rank, yet fierce in strength and speed,
A force of nature planted like a seed
That grows to oak, unshakeable and vast—
Spencer420, a legend built to last!
FIRST AMONG HEROES: REKTDIOMEDES, THE GRAND CHAMPION
And now the first! RektDiomedes, hear!
The champion whose legend conquers fear!
Fourteen thousand steps each day he trod,
A foundation built on unrelenting sod!
Two MMA classes, fists of iron fire,
Two BJJ classes stoke the martial pyre!
An hour of open sparring, skill and sweat,
Where warriors learn what they can never forget!
Four extra sessions, twenty minutes long,
Of striking practice, making sinews strong!
Thirty sets of lifting, heavy steel,
A volume that would make a titan reel!
One CrossFit hour with his battle friends,
Heavy lifts and cardio that never ends!
Tracked calories for all seven days,
A discipline that wins the hardest frays!
Four runs of twenty to thirty minutes' flight,
His engine burning through the fading light!
A jack of all trades, master of them all,
He answers when the trumpet sounds the call!
His BJJ guards, a serpent's coiled might,
His MMA strikes, a thunderbolt of light!
The open mat, where egos go to die,
He moves with purpose, fierce as eagle's eye!
The CrossFit metcon, a furnace of despair,
He breathes the fire and drinks the scorching air!
His lifting sets, a catalog of pain,
Then runs to wash the lactic from each vein!
No weakness shows, no crack within his shield,
The first among the five upon the field!
RektDiomedes—the name itself a threat,
A warrior's warrior, the greatest yet!
THE CLOSING CHORUS
So hail these five, the chosen of the quest,
Whose training put their mettle to the test!
From CurveCap's endless march to Battman's might,
From Jones's compass to Spencer's blazing light—
And Diomedes, who reigns upon the throne,
The grandest champion this age has known!
Five warriors stand, a phalanx of the fit,
Whose dedication none can ever quit!
For when the battle calls and trumpets sound,
These heroes shall stand firm on sacred ground!
Their bodies forged in sweat and iron's kiss,
Their spirits tempered in the training's abyss!
So raise a shout that shakes the very stars,
For these five champions, the mightiest by far!
The oracle has spoken, the ranks are sealed—
Five warriors whose glory stands revealed!
The Rankings
1. RektDiomedes
2. Spencer420
3. Battman
4. Jones | Rarestone Compass
5. CurveCap
The Attestations
#1 — RektDiomedes
Okay, here is my attestation for this week ending Sunday August 16th 2026:
-Averaged 14k steps per day -Did 2 MMA classes -Did 2 BJJ classes -Did open gym sparring for an hour -Did four extra 20 minute sessions of striking training at home -Did 30 sets of lifting, not counting the below CrossFit workout -Did one 1 hour CrossFit workout with a bunch of friends, heavy lifting + cardio for an hour -Tracked calories all 7 days -Went running for 20-30 minutes on four different occassions
#2 — Spencer420
Monday Push and pull Weighted Dips(weak as hell) 90-1, 115-1, 135-fail, fail, 90- Cable rows superset wide pull-ups 10plates-14+3, 12-9+4, 9+4 Barrel dumbbell press 55-9,8,8 Rear shoulder flies 90-15, 100-15, 110-15
Tuesday Arms Blaster curl 50-14, 45-22, double arm full sup-40-12 Overhead rope cable tri 120-6, 130-8, 8, 115-12 Archer rear shoulder pulls 30-10, 10, 40-6 Cable row bicep curls 2 plates-8, 3-8, 4-10, 11, 3-12 Dumbbell skullcrusher 35-10, 9, 8 Light preacher curl 65-14, 12, 10 Cable pushdowns tri v bar 130-13, 11, 10
Wed Recovery
Thursday Sprint max speed 20.4, 19.6, 20.7, 20.6, 19.6 Box jump 48 in-3+fail, 3, 5+fail Hyper bench side crunch 70-11, 11 Hanging leg raise weighted rings 12-6, 7, 6 Tibialis raise 60-16, 13 Nordic hammy 6, 7 Leg ext 200-10, 9
Friday Push Incline camber neutral bench 225-3, 185-10 Pelican pushup rings weighted vest 6, 11, 10 Heat fly machine 200-7, 195-7 Low to high cable fly 40-9, 8
Saturday Weighted pull-ups 100-2.8, 55-9 Archer cable pulls 30-8, 42.5-8, 8 Chest supp dumbbell rows 40-8, 60-14, 70-11, Low back ghd extensions No weight 2 sets-cooldown stretch kinda
Sunday Recovery Hot bath
#3 — Battman
I am Battman. This is my week. Monday August 10 Cardio Air bike15 minutes 138 calories Av hr 96 max 113 Strength training 1 hr 45 minutes 314 calories Av hr 83 max 103 Dumbbell bench press 35# 12 reps, 45# 12 reps, 50# 12 reps, 40# 12 reps Incline dumbbell press 40# 12 reps,60# 12 reps,60# 12 reps, 45# 12 reps Dumbbell lateral raises
Dumbbell lateral raises 20# 8 reps, 15# 10 reps Dumbbell pull overs 40# 12 reps,50# 12 reps 3 sets Dumbbell skull crushers 3 sets Cable chest flies 3 sets Cable tricep extension 3 sets Tuesday Cardio Air bike15 minutes 171 calories Av hr 89 max 111 Lower body workout 1 hr 24 minutes 366 calories Av hr79 max 106 25 body weight squats Weighted (25#) hollow hold V ups 20 reps Weighted (25#) Russian twist 32 reps Transformer bar front squats 105 6 reps,125 6 reps, 155 6 reps Sled push 300# 66 yards Incline weighted crunches 25# 14 reps Thursday Cardio Air bike 15 minutes 186 calories Av hr 142 max186 Upper body workout 1 hr 30 minutes 349 calories Av hr 92 max 124 Grip strength test Left 105 Right 104 50 body weight squats Weighted (20#) chin ups 7 reps 2 sets Superset Feet elevated (30”) weighted (20#) push ups + feet elevated (30”) weighted (20#) inverted rows 12 reps of each 2 sets Seated dumbbell bicep curls 35# 5 reps 35# 3 reps 25# 10 reps Cross body hammer curls 40# 20 reps 2 sets Cable rope handle tricep push downs 50# 10 reps 60# 10 reps 80# 15reps Friday Cardio Air bike 15 minutes 151 calories Av hr 106 max 167 Lower body workout 1 hr 23 minutes calories 151 Av hr 79 max 99 50 body weight squats 90 second dead hang Leg raises 20 reps 2 sets Farmers carry 52# each arm 120 yards total Cable crunches 150# 20 reps 180# 20 reps 2 sets Seated hamstring curls 70# 20 reps, 100# 18 reps 2 sets
#4 — Jones | Rarestone Compass
Aug 10 - Aug 16
Monday Rest day
Tuesday Upper body workout (machine focused)
Chest press machine (plates): 2 sets + rest pause set row machine (pin loaded): 2 sets + rest pause set Chest press machine (pin loaded) with neutral grip: 2 sets + rest pause set Farmer walks: 2 sets Shoulder press machine (pin loaded): 1 set + rest pause set Rear delt cable flys: 2 sets Cable overhead tricep extensions: 2 sets + rest pause set preacher curls ùachine: 2 Sets
Wednesday Leg day
Leg curls: 2 sets + RP set Leg extensions: 2 sets + RP set Hip Ad/Abductor machine superset: 2 sets Leg press: 2 sets RDL: 2 sets Ab machine: 2 sets
Thursday rest day
Friday Upper body workout (free weight focused)
Incline Bench press: 2 sets Pull ups: 2 sets + drop set shoulder press machine: 2 sets Machine row (upper back focused): 2 sets + RP set Chest fly machine: 1 set + RP set One arm Rear delt cable flys: 2 sets Cable pushdowns with bench: 2 sets + drop set Reverse cable curls: 2 sets + drop set
Saturday Cardio
20min of stair master 20 of cycling
Sunday Cardio
5x 400m sprints/2min walk on 1.5% incline
Averaging around 17k steps/day
#5 — CurveCap
WEEKLY HEALTH ATTESTATION Week of Aug. 9, 2026 through Aug. 15, 2026
WEEKLY SUMMARY ============= • Active Calories: 7414 kcal total (1059 avg/day) • Steps: 170,420 total, 24,346 avg/day - 164.9 km total, 23.6 km avg/day • Resting HR: 49.0 ± 1.5 bpm, VO2 Max 54, Fitness Age 35
DAILY BREAKDOWN =============== Aug. 09, 2026 (Sunday) • Active Calories: 1098/3186 kcal • Steps: 30,844 (28.1 km) • Resting HR: 48 bpm • Tracked Activities: (none)
Aug. 10, 2026 (Monday) • Active Calories: 932/3020 kcal • Steps: 24,524 (22.6 km) • Resting HR: 47 bpm • Tracked Activities: (none)
Aug. 11, 2026 (Tuesday) • Active Calories: 993/3081 kcal • Steps: 25,462 (23.9 km) • Resting HR: 48 bpm • Tracked Activities: 1. Strength Training (curls, triceps extension, rows, squats): 38min, 108 cal
Aug. 12, 2026 (Wednesday) • Active Calories: 1006/3094 kcal • Steps: 25,894 (26.0 km) • Resting HR: 49 bpm • Tracked Activities: (none)
Aug. 13, 2026 (Thursday) • Active Calories: 1097/3185 kcal • Steps: 20,905 (21.3 km) • Resting HR: 49 bpm • Tracked Activities: 1. Strength Training (sit up, push-ups, curls, pull up, rows): 59min, 142 cal 2. Jog: 2.49 km, 16min, (10:25 min/mile), 166 cal, 129 avg HR
Aug. 14, 2026 (Friday) • Active Calories: 1092/3180 kcal • Steps: 20,752 (21.2 km) • Resting HR: 51 bpm • Tracked Activities: 1. Strength Training (bench press, curls, rows): 45min, 128 cal 2. Jog: 6.12 km, 33min, (8:52 min/mile), 415 cal, 144 avg HR
Aug. 15, 2026 (Saturday) • Active Calories: 1196/3284 kcal • Steps: 22,039 (21.9 km) • Resting HR: 51 bpm • Tracked Activities: 1. Running: 2.37 km, 11min, 163 cal, 153 avg HR 2. Strength Training (bench press, curls, rows, squats): 1h 1min, 267 cal, 87 avg HR
Sauna: 0/7 days 🙁