Roll Call: May 11 – May 17, 2026

Hark, ye spartans of the digital ledger, gather near —
seven warriors swore their labors, and the iron lends its cheer.
From grappling mats to mountain cirques, from core to clean and jerk,
the oracle hath weighed them all, and honored every work.

SEVENTH AMONG HEROES: ALICE OF THE ROSENGARDEN

Now Alice keeps her tally lean — the way of patient gardens —
three sessions in the bodyweight tongue, and asks for no man's pardons.
Sixteen thousand strides she paced across the seven days,
and twenty-five-rep ladders climbed in unembellished ways.

Twice the strength-work came in full: the push-up and the squat,
ten pull-ups bold, the lunge, the curl, the deadlift and the lot;
the wall push-up, the hip thrust raised, where steady tension grows —
no padded log, no needless chart, just what the doing shows.

The third was core unto the bone: the crunch, the hollow hold,
the forty-five-second plank endured, the Russian twist controlled,
twin side planks and the superman, the good-morning unweighted —
her week is her receipt entire, and honestly she stated.

SIXTH AMONG HEROES: RKTBAY OF THE STEADY HAND

Then Rktbay rises, three days strong, though schedules pressed him sore —
the temple of the iron held, despite the week's uproar.
Eight thousand steps his daily path, his eating left untracked,
and "ice cream it was yummy" — lo, an honest warrior's fact.

On pullday came the lat pulldown, assisted pull-ups too,
the hammer-strength and cable rows, the bicep curls he drew.
On pushday, pec press, pec fly, the shoulder press he pressed,
the triceps pushdown, cable crunch — the chest and core addressed.

His legday turned the extension, the curl, the press, the raise,
the Smith-machine stiff-legged deadlift closing out his phase.
No boast, no brag, no swollen verse — just rhythm kept alive,
for consistency is armor, and the steady do survive.

FIFTH AMONG HEROES: CURVECAP THE ENDURER

Behold CurveCap, whose resting heart beats slow and deep and true,
whose VO2 of fifty-one the calendar outgrew —
his fitness age but thirty-five, while four-and-forty years
sit lightly on a frame that walks and lifts and never fears.

A hundred forty-nine thousand steps across the week he strode,
near twenty kilometers each day along the open road.
Eight thousand active calories the watch did duly burn,
through jogs and hikes and rowing strokes and every gym-day turn.

He pressed the bench, he pulled the rows, he squatted, hinged, and hauled,
he ran his cross-country miles where morning mist enthralled;
the elliptical, the indoor row, the hill-trail's patient climb —
a titan of endurance, measured, paced, and true to time.

FOURTH AMONG HEROES: BATTMAN OF THE IRON CORE

Now Battman comes, with Spencer's hand to herald him to war,
whose midsection is masonry, whose core is forge and floor.
A hundred ninety pounds he loaded on the cable crunch,
three sets of fifteen reps he drove with abdominal punch.

The air bike spun its calories before each session's start,
the hanging leg raise, sixteen reps, three times he played his part;
the goblet squat at thirty pounds, the weighted V-up high,
the Swiss-ball crunch with five-and-twenty pressed against the sky.

The plank push-up, the inverted row with feet up off the ground,
the L-sit rings, the weighted dip, the hammer curls he wound,
the Bayesian cable bicep work, the overhead extension —
a fortress built of measured reps and absolute attention.

THIRD AMONG HEROES: REKTDIOMEDES THE MARTIAL

Hark — RektDiomedes, whose very name doth call
the Trojan-war hero of old who stormed the Argive wall.
Two classes of the grappling art, with rolling fierce and free,
one ecological flow to school the body's geometry.

A Muay Thai class with sparring's heat, two MMA besides,
where warriors test their measure and no flinching warrior hides;
and forty-five full sets of lifting woven through the days,
with four two-mile runs to keep his cardiovascular blaze.

Two hundred kicks per leg he drove upon the heavy bag,
fourteen thousand steps a day — no day was left to lag.
He tracked his food all seven days, and filmed his strikes to learn —
the humble warrior studies tape, that every flaw may burn.

SECOND AMONG HEROES: SPENCER420 THE CLIMBER

Now Spencer420 ascends, where lesser climbers tire,
three hours through the Cirque de Troumouse, the lungs a steady fire.
Then Gavarnie's great cirque he walked, another mountain load —
twenty-seven thousand steps, sixteen hundred feet he strode.

Behind-the-neck the pull-ups came, six and six, controlled,
the tucked front-lever rows, the muscle-up piked-position bold.
The clean built up in singles to two-forty-five and past,
the Zercher squat in laddered sets that made the legwork last.

A travel Thursday walked through airport halls for hours two,
then Friday's push: the heavy bench, the weighted dips he drew,
incline dumbbell, triceps cable, skullcrusher and fly —
and Saturday the deadlift climbed to four-oh-five, one try.

The blaster curls, the spider curls, the paused and heavy shrug —
a mountaineer who lifts as well, and gives the iron a tug.
Then Sunday's rest, well-earned and full — the climber's body knows
that strength is built in labor, but it ripens in repose.

FIRST AMONG HEROES: DEVIN OF GAMMASWAP

But chief among the seven stands Devin of GammaSwap,
who shod in metcons, not in high-tops, never lets the iron drop.
The hammer incline press he drove with rest-pause, tight and brief,
the commando pull-up stopped below — no slack and no relief.

The underhand Yates row he hauled at three-and-twenty pound,
the Zercher box squat, then the burnout where the high reps pound;
the drag curl on a rest-pause clock, the seated calf-raise grind —
a Monday built of method, every set a thing designed.

Come Wednesday, face pulls fed the rope, the seated military press,
the lateral raise, the single-arm extension's overhead address;
the conventional deadlift, paused below the knee with deficit,
the GHR on a banded clock, the waiter carry's grit.

Then Saturday, the neutral flat-press, close-grip pulldown drawn,
the low-row machine, the preacher curl, the incline curl at dawn;
the reverse-V squat loaded huge, the burnout twenty deep,
the double kettlebell swing in fives — a discipline to keep.

And Friday, Sunday, into heat — the Warrior Sculpt he chose,
an hour of hot-yoga weights where breath and effort close.
For chief he stands, not by the loudest boast or heaviest stone,
but by the planned and measured week — and so he holds the throne.

CHORUS: THE SEVEN STAND TOGETHER

So stand these seven, ranked from last to first, yet all aligned,
each warrior's week a labor wrought of body and of mind.
From Alice's unembellished log to Devin's measured reign,
the ledger holds them honestly, and none has trained in vain.

For ranking is a guide, no more — the rivalry is kind,
and Sunday's lowest entry still leaves laggards far behind.
Raise up the iron, spartans all, and let the next week hear:
the roll call carries on, and these have nothing left to fear.